I learnt a huge lesson recently, we have been speaking about reconciliation and restoration in church, and of course i’m not quarreling with anyone.. so in my mind, my heart was great!
But I was praying, and God started to remind me of all the times I had said ‘okay’ when I wasnt okay, and the next three months I had died from hurt. And of course my usual technique is to just shift away, which in my head made sense, you hurt me even if you refuse to accept the wrong, I say ‘okay’ I say ‘its fine’ I say , ‘we don’t need to talk about it’ and I just forgive you in my heart but reconcilation is different from forgiveness.
I’ve learnt that reconciliation almost always demands a conversation.
Because I can’t pretend , so the next thing you know, i’ve withdrawn from the relationship. What I never realized was ; when I withdraw, I also hurt these people and because they do not know how hurt I am, they just always wonder why i’m so distant , and they hurt, because they feel something is admist but can't place it.
I learnt my withdrawal hurts a person almost as much as the person hurt me, I had never seen it that way, but in prayers God brought it to light. And i’ve had to call people I left without having a conversation and actually had a conversation.
I've also learnt that forgiveness is the easy part. Reconciling is the hard but necessary part.
Oro is the founder of Morph Centre and Colors studio. She is also a great lawyer and public speaker.
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