CASTING CROWNS
What a day well spent!
I thought to myself as i got down from my uber ride, heading towards the gate. I felt so inspired after listening to the motivational speakers at the event but that inspiration could wait because I could no longer ignore the melodies from my stomach, having had nothing all day other than the sandwich I had packed along with me while leaving. I got into my room, happy to be home at last, after such an eventful day. I managed a change of clothes so I could grab a bite before I pass out. I was really hungry . I took off my denim jacket and the striped dress I was wearing, sat on my bed and to my utmost surprise, the weirdest thing happened...
I wept.
All my life I have always wanted to be this perfect little girl in my perfect little world. I try to fit in as much as I can by doing things that I think will make people like me. I am a worrier by nature so I naturally overthink things. Everything is a big deal to this girl! Even the most trivial things that others would probably not have given a second thought to, I give a thousand thoughts (no exaggeration... errr well maybe just a little). If I simply make a mistake or say something stupid, I beat myself up all day long, like...God, that was so lame, why did I say that?.
Letting go ain’t one of my strong points, but it’s funny how I forgive easily. I guess that's my forgetful side at work. Nahh I don’t forget things, not that I will hold a grudge or anything like that, but my memory just registers every event in my life efficiently. So people see me as this very tough girl with no emotions. I cry for the most stupid things. Words hurt me a lot, like you can punch me and slap me but don’t talk to me anyhow, I’m very fragile emotionally.
Enough of the 20 Facts about Me!
Now i’m crying for how much time I have wasted trying to be who I am not. I have belittled myself so much that I am like a midget where i was supposed to be a giant. The view of my occupied yet empty life flashed before my very eyes. I had been busy doing nothing and I didn’t even realize it. I thought I had it all together, I thought I was doing great, I thought I was on a mission, I thought I was building a brand, i thought I was creating a name, I thought...
Little did I know that I was on a mission with no vision. Like a lost sheep in the midst of wolves, I delved into any and every thing. I kept saying to myself as long as I am doing something, I am moving forward, I would be alright, so I thought.So many years of pointless struggles, endless travails, needless battles, what was it all for?.
I was too scared to let go
I was too scared to unveil
I was too scared to be real
I was scared of being me.
I know what this present me looks like and even though it’s not all perfect but quite a number of people still like this version of me but this new me, or rather the real me I have always put away I don’t really know what it looks like, what it feels like, what if it’s not cool? what if everyone hates me for me? what if the me now is better than the real me? what if...
I flood my head with these thoughts and sink in the ocean of panic, day in day out. I keep the act going . I go about my routine smiling and making faces in selfies like hell yes I want to be authentic but for now I will just live!
The morning is gone, day becomes night, curtains are closed, make-up is off and I am all alone again. There’s that heavy burden in my heart, like fifty bags of cement lying on my chest. That feeling of emptiness in the midst of plenty, that feeling of wanting so much more.
I smiled all day long. My smiles are a killer trust me, might have pierced through a soul or two. That smile might have given hope to a few, but the spot left untouched was my very own heart , which was bleeding from the pain of rejection by my inner self. Constant raging demons clamouring for peace !
Now I am just sitting here, writing in tears, the pain flooding my heart greater than the trickles from my eyes. How did I come this far from reality? When did i stoop so low? A rat in the jungle when my place is with the lions. Where did I go wrong? The voices of anguish screaming in my head, what is the way out? It cannot end this way, no, there must be a happy ending somewhere.
Though I am no Cinderella, my glass slipper is missing. I have been holding on to one half for so long it hurts. I am tired of walking on my toes and hopping on one leg of my glass slipper...I have to find my balance. I want to stand again! This time not on my toes but on my feet, with a complete pair of glass slippers.
Where can i find my glass slipper? Somebody... anybody? Will some handsome prince charming return it back to me? Or will i have to ride the horse’s back all by myself to get it back? Who will rescue me from this dilemma? I have rode horses so high and tall in the past but this particular horse i am scared to ride on, the fear of the unknown, the road uncertain, my feet filled with blisters from past mistakes.
You know what? I am tired of running, i am tired of riding, i am just going to wait in solitude. Like Cinderella did, I am not going back to the royal ball to get my glass slipper, I will wait for my knight in shining armour. I have tried it my own way several times, this time I am going to do it differently. I am giving up my ego, my pride, my selfishness, my greed, my deceit, my vanity, my ways...casting my crowns! *takes make-up off, lets hair down, takes first breath of freedom*
Whoof! she sighs.
LESSONS
1) Your missing glass slipper is your purpose. Until you discover your purpose, you are living a lie!
2) You can never feel complete if you are living outside God's purpose for you.
3) Don't be too quick to judge anyone because you have no idea what they are going through. Be as compassionate and sensitive to others as you can.
4) We get so caught up in activities and events that we hardly have time for sober reflection anymore. Once in a while, try to withdraw from the world and spend time:
i) with God, you can only find Purpose in the one who created you.
ii) alone to redefine your values and goals. Just like the girl in the story, she didn't even realize how lost she was until she sat down to think. Every now and then, take out time to refuel yourself or you might burn out!
5) Let go of your pride, ego, selfishness and uptightness and just breathe! Don't take yourself too seriously. Give room for your inner self to express itself.
6) Be humble. No one is competing with you. Cast your crown, you are still king!
I hope we all enjoyed this piece. You can leave your comments in the comment box below and also share link with family and friends. If you have any subject that has been bothering your mind and want us to talk about it, comment below or send a mail to officialpurplenigmers@gmail.com. Our job is to help you find yourself. We aim to show you your real!
Log on tomorrow for more...
What a day well spent!
I thought to myself as i got down from my uber ride, heading towards the gate. I felt so inspired after listening to the motivational speakers at the event but that inspiration could wait because I could no longer ignore the melodies from my stomach, having had nothing all day other than the sandwich I had packed along with me while leaving. I got into my room, happy to be home at last, after such an eventful day. I managed a change of clothes so I could grab a bite before I pass out. I was really hungry . I took off my denim jacket and the striped dress I was wearing, sat on my bed and to my utmost surprise, the weirdest thing happened...
I wept.
All my life I have always wanted to be this perfect little girl in my perfect little world. I try to fit in as much as I can by doing things that I think will make people like me. I am a worrier by nature so I naturally overthink things. Everything is a big deal to this girl! Even the most trivial things that others would probably not have given a second thought to, I give a thousand thoughts (no exaggeration... errr well maybe just a little). If I simply make a mistake or say something stupid, I beat myself up all day long, like...God, that was so lame, why did I say that?.
Letting go ain’t one of my strong points, but it’s funny how I forgive easily. I guess that's my forgetful side at work. Nahh I don’t forget things, not that I will hold a grudge or anything like that, but my memory just registers every event in my life efficiently. So people see me as this very tough girl with no emotions. I cry for the most stupid things. Words hurt me a lot, like you can punch me and slap me but don’t talk to me anyhow, I’m very fragile emotionally.
Enough of the 20 Facts about Me!
Now i’m crying for how much time I have wasted trying to be who I am not. I have belittled myself so much that I am like a midget where i was supposed to be a giant. The view of my occupied yet empty life flashed before my very eyes. I had been busy doing nothing and I didn’t even realize it. I thought I had it all together, I thought I was doing great, I thought I was on a mission, I thought I was building a brand, i thought I was creating a name, I thought...
Little did I know that I was on a mission with no vision. Like a lost sheep in the midst of wolves, I delved into any and every thing. I kept saying to myself as long as I am doing something, I am moving forward, I would be alright, so I thought.So many years of pointless struggles, endless travails, needless battles, what was it all for?.
I was too scared to let go
I was too scared to unveil
I was too scared to be real
I was scared of being me.
I know what this present me looks like and even though it’s not all perfect but quite a number of people still like this version of me but this new me, or rather the real me I have always put away I don’t really know what it looks like, what it feels like, what if it’s not cool? what if everyone hates me for me? what if the me now is better than the real me? what if...
I flood my head with these thoughts and sink in the ocean of panic, day in day out. I keep the act going . I go about my routine smiling and making faces in selfies like hell yes I want to be authentic but for now I will just live!
The morning is gone, day becomes night, curtains are closed, make-up is off and I am all alone again. There’s that heavy burden in my heart, like fifty bags of cement lying on my chest. That feeling of emptiness in the midst of plenty, that feeling of wanting so much more.
I smiled all day long. My smiles are a killer trust me, might have pierced through a soul or two. That smile might have given hope to a few, but the spot left untouched was my very own heart , which was bleeding from the pain of rejection by my inner self. Constant raging demons clamouring for peace !
Though I am no Cinderella, my glass slipper is missing. I have been holding on to one half for so long it hurts. I am tired of walking on my toes and hopping on one leg of my glass slipper...I have to find my balance. I want to stand again! This time not on my toes but on my feet, with a complete pair of glass slippers.
Where can i find my glass slipper? Somebody... anybody? Will some handsome prince charming return it back to me? Or will i have to ride the horse’s back all by myself to get it back? Who will rescue me from this dilemma? I have rode horses so high and tall in the past but this particular horse i am scared to ride on, the fear of the unknown, the road uncertain, my feet filled with blisters from past mistakes.
You know what? I am tired of running, i am tired of riding, i am just going to wait in solitude. Like Cinderella did, I am not going back to the royal ball to get my glass slipper, I will wait for my knight in shining armour. I have tried it my own way several times, this time I am going to do it differently. I am giving up my ego, my pride, my selfishness, my greed, my deceit, my vanity, my ways...casting my crowns! *takes make-up off, lets hair down, takes first breath of freedom*
Whoof! she sighs.
LESSONS
1) Your missing glass slipper is your purpose. Until you discover your purpose, you are living a lie!
2) You can never feel complete if you are living outside God's purpose for you.
3) Don't be too quick to judge anyone because you have no idea what they are going through. Be as compassionate and sensitive to others as you can.
4) We get so caught up in activities and events that we hardly have time for sober reflection anymore. Once in a while, try to withdraw from the world and spend time:
i) with God, you can only find Purpose in the one who created you.
ii) alone to redefine your values and goals. Just like the girl in the story, she didn't even realize how lost she was until she sat down to think. Every now and then, take out time to refuel yourself or you might burn out!
5) Let go of your pride, ego, selfishness and uptightness and just breathe! Don't take yourself too seriously. Give room for your inner self to express itself.
6) Be humble. No one is competing with you. Cast your crown, you are still king!
I hope we all enjoyed this piece. You can leave your comments in the comment box below and also share link with family and friends. If you have any subject that has been bothering your mind and want us to talk about it, comment below or send a mail to officialpurplenigmers@gmail.com. Our job is to help you find yourself. We aim to show you your real!
Log on tomorrow for more...
No comments:
Post a Comment